Friday, December 7, 2012

Signs

Coming up on the holidays can bring many emotions and memories...

I am probably the most unreligious person you will ever meet...I'm not saying I don't believe, I just don't know exactly what I believe in...As I've said before I'm not very superstitious either...However I have said I think things happen for a reason...but I don't think EVERYTHING happens for a reason just some things if you keep your mind open...I look at these things as signs.

I don't see the into the future or see ghosts, but what I do see are things that relate to my life at that moment...A song that relates to a situation your currently in and lifts your spirits...an unexpected pregnancy that led them to finding my cancer in the early stages...a shooting star on the day my mother went into surgery for her own cancer and also on the night my grandmother died...I've also seen shooting stars when I've been under extreme stress and felt relief thinking it was a "sign" things would be okay and guess what, they were...

We all get busy and ignore certain things around us...I am guilty of this...I tend to yes my kids to death during conversations and only half listen...I tend to hurry the people along at work and maybe not fully hear what they are saying...

Sharing this blog was the first time my kids really heard of me having cancer...my oldest daughter Sarah asked if she could read the blogs and I said yes..she also follows my page and comments here and there to my posts...My youngest Morgan on the other hand doesn't have a clue..she knows I take medication for my thyroid but probably never fully understood why...I've always felt a special connection between Morgan and myself because if it wasn't for her my diagnosis could have been much worse..

I've been trying to find the right words to bring this up to her..but what do you say??  I always find the best time to talk to my kids is in the car yet every time I had the opportunity something got in the way...then I noticed that the same god damn song kept coming on, a song I didn't like so I kept switching it...

I was driving Morgs to school the other morning and she was going on and on about how many days left until Christmas and how many school days left until winter break....I'm trying to focus through school traffic and her chatter and that song comes on..I didn't switch it this time and I hear the words...The song is by Swedish House Mafia and the lyrics say "don't worry child...see heavens got a plan for you"...A sign??

So I decided to tell Morgan that there is another special day in December other than Christmas...she asked me what it was..and I said "Dec 12th..the day I had my surgery and the doctor took out my cancer" ...She said "You had cancer?" I told her I did but it's gone now and because of her they found it..she looked puzzled..So I said "you might have saved me from getting very sick and thats why you've heard me call you my guardian angel".....She didn't say anything and we were pulling into the school...So I said "isn't that cool, your like a super hero"....Thats when she turned and smiled and she said " No I'm not..I had nothing to do with it...God sent me"