But this time, things were supposed to be different.
We just got back from a 9 day trip to St. Maarten..I guess you could say my expectations were high. The girls are older now and they are no strangers to traveling, we have been fortunate enough to visit some great places and give them some wonderful experiences.
Our trip has come and gone and now all I have to hold onto are the memories...If you ask John, Sarah or Morgan..they will all agree they had the time of their lives...if you were to ask me? I might give you another story.
On the flight home I decided I'd come home and write about this vacation and share all the details and all the times my husband slipped into "dick mode" but as I was gathering my thoughts John must have seen something brewing because he pulled me aside. We sat outside the night after we returned home and reflected on our vacation. He knew something was bothering me, and I'm positive he knew it was him.
This page has been a sore spot a few times between he and I. He doesn't understand what it is, why I have it and why I love it so much. He has never even taken the time to visit this page and has never actually read anything I've written.
Yesterday, I had written all the details about this trip to share and I was going to post it. He came home and asked what I was writing and I told him. A panicked look swept across his face. I told him he could read it before I posted it and he said no. I could tell he was upset, maybe a bit mad that I would tell you about how much of a dumb ass he is when we travel. I told him writing is just an outlet for me..I get to connect with people that know what I'm going through..I guess if you don't want me to share and connect with 1,000 people I don't know, then learn how to connect with me yourself.
The panicked look turned to sadness and decided to I to change what I had written.
I recently have had people write and tell me they follow my page because I'm "real" and I'm glad...I don't live a fairy tale and don't want to pretend I do..My husband can be a total selfish jerk and my kids are pretty much A-holes most of the time..but what are ya gonna do?? Pretend like they aren't?? Now that my vacation is over I have to just look back, shake my head and laugh..
What I was going to post yesterday was just one big ridiculously long bitchy rant..did I have a reason to?? ..hell yes I did..but I figured you didn't want to know every little detail so I deleted most of it..and I told John I wouldn't make him look like a complete jackass..He is really able to do that on his own..
On of my biggest complaints from past vacations is the lack of help I get from John..when we travel his brain shuts off and he turns into a bumbling idiot..before I would even think of going anywhere this time I warned him he better snap out of that shit quick..there is nothing worse than going on a big money trip and feeling like it was time wasted. Trust me, I know...he seems to have this way of sucking the life and fun out of most anything we try to do...I totally get he works hard all year long and wants to relax on the beach, his favorite spot...but so do I.
Last time we were there the girls were content pretending they were dolphins jumping waves and building sand castles. Now that they are older, I knew it would be different and I was determined to connect with them on an older level...Zip lining and cruising around in a jeep with the top off was on the list..I wanted to walk around town and shop at the local fruit stands and let them see what others do to make a living..we decided to grocery shop instead of eat out the whole time and they would see how much things cost in another part of the world..and most of all I planned on having the time of our lives.
Even though John did a lot of the cooking and all the dishes..I have yet to experience the "stress free" part of traveling...his response.."don't bring the kids"...Funny thing he doesn't realize, it's not the kids...it's the lack of parental support I get from him. It's also the lack of respect for me and the things I want to do..I'm a very laid back person and I will not rock the boat if they are all having fun..I'm content on a beach for hours watching my kids enjoy the surf and watching them interact with people from other cultures.
But there were a few important things I really needed from him this time. So instead of waiting until we got there and expecting him to know what I needed, I decided to lay it all out before we left...before I even booked this trip I told him he needed to be more involved in the planning part. He is very famous for saying "book whatever you want" and then complaining about what we did or didn't do while we were there....next is the flights..he can't believe it when I book it with a layover and questions it EVERY TIME...this time I made him sit and watch me book the flights..he just thinks that because he's so fucking special that there should be direct flights to anywhere he's going and they should all be free..sorry pal, not the case... Just sitting watching ME book the flights was about all his poor man brain could handle. So it was up to me to do the rest..He is clueless what needs to be done..book a place to stay..rent a car..get directions to all the places you want to go, it's nerve wracking!!
Next I brought up two very important things to me..First sun blocking the kids..when you are in the Caribbean you need lots of sunblock and once again I am always the one who gets to lube up each kid and hope I didn't miss a spot while they are flailing around..then making them get out of the water dry off and reapply their sandy little bodies, is even more fun..specially when your other half is just kickin back enjoying himself with no worries. ..."no problem" he says...great!!
Next issue I have is out of all the trips we have taken..there are NO picture of me anywhere...he just doesn't think to pick up the camera and take any, so I have none...I can show you hundreds of them having a good time, but it's like I wasn't even there. This actually hurts me inside more than anything, he knows how important pictures and memories are to me..your life can change in an instant..so I take tons of pictures to capture the moments spent with my kids. He had no reasons why he never takes pictures and after hearing me tell him how upsetting it is was to me, I know he felt bad. He once again said "no problem" he would take whatever pictures he could and we would have more memories than I could count.
With this all ironed out, I couldn't wait to go!! I brought two brand new bathing suits and a few sun dresses...I told myself I would live outside my comfort zone and enjoy myself no matter what..I couldn't wait for him to see me all dressed up!
We started our journey and I couldn't wait to just be with them and have fun...we get to the airport and everyones brain shuts off..I'm getting three blank stares and I suddenly feel like I'm the only adult...we get on the plane where I sit with one kid and he sits with the other...they come around and hand out forms for customs, one for each person in your family..I look over and he's clueless..so I fill them out.. Morgan (she's sitting with him) wants to go to the bathroom..she wants a drink..she wants the swedish fish we brought and she wants to color..I look over, yup he's still clueless..
After several hours we arrive and I'm looking for him for help...the altitude apparently scrambled his brain cells because he no longer remembers how to do anything....so I find the rental car, dig out the directions and I get us to the condo..while the three stooges sit back and enjoy the ride.
The first couple days of getting adjusted can always be hard for kids..so we tried to take it easy and just get settled...it was obvious to me within the first few days we were back to our old ways...there was no helping with sunblock..there was no enforcing the rules on the beach..I have to give it to him..the guys got mad skills when it comes to shutting out everyone elses needs.
I decided I wasn't going to flip...I would just do what I had done at home and remind him about the things I really needed help with.."no problem" Low and behold Sarah ended up with a sunburned back, mostly because she is 14 and wanted to apply her own sunblock and second because when I told her to reapply she pretty much gave me the finger and dopey laid on his towel and pretended he was deaf...
By day 4, I was starting to feel the anger build..and once again I get the three blank stares and they all look at me like I'm the psycho bitch vacation ruiner from hell...After arguing with my now crispy teen, yes about sunblock!! I snapped, and before I knew it the sunblock was leaving my hand and hurling straight for her...yup thats right, I threw it at her. We really didn't have many problems after that, with the sunblock.
We visited all the beaches they wanted..we snorkeled and shopped...we went to the market and we enjoyed sunsets by the pool..John, Morgan and I zip lined through the trees, Sarah didn't want to so she sat and read a book...I got some nice pictures of them all having a great time...
But where was I?? I was holding the camera..the passports...the money..the back pack...the sunblock..the keys to the condo and I drove the jeep the entire time while reading the directions that were in french so we could get where they wanted to go...Like any mom, your happy when your kids are happy and it's great to watch them have a good time..but when is it your turn??
The first time I threw on a new bathing suit and dress, it was the first time in a long time I really felt good about how I looked...I'm not sure what type of reaction I was expecting from John..his eyes popping out or maybe a little drool..I don't know...but what I didn't expect was no reaction at all..nope nothing...
I reminded him several times about the pictures I'd wanted to get...him and I on the beach (I have one morgan took) me with the kids and the kids in the jeep..."we have plenty of time" he'd say....I ended up with 4 pictured of myself on this trip..one Morgan took..one John took of the back of my head and two I took of myself with my phone..
By the time we got home I was fed up and completely aggravated..not a fun way to end your trip...As we sat out on the steps the other night, through tears I told him how disappointed I was. Not with the trip, but with him...I don't know why he acts like he does when we travel..when he clearly knew all I wanted were pictures and memories I could share and look back on...he knew this and couldn't do it for me..It's also sad that if I were to put up the ONE picture of myself on the beach in a bathing suit, you guys would all cheer me on and say something nice...people I don't even personally know are my biggest cheer leaders..and the one person I need it from the most remains clueless.
Being a mom and a wife can be hard...being a mom and a wife to a selfish prick while on vacation, is even harder.
( I will add a photo album to my page and share the pictures of the trip if anyone wants to check them out)
Oh how I understand how you feel so well. I literally had this arguement yesterday with my husband except he does this at home. All.the.time. we have two young daughters and while I would love to have another soon the way he acts makes me not want tohave another kid with him. I stay at home noe after finishing my bachelors last May and am putting my education and career on hold so I can raise our babies which is fine and I know I have plenty of time for that (I'm 22) but my babies won't always be little. However that doesn't mean I want to be on call every fucking minute of every fucking day. My husband won't do anything unless I yell at him to get off the couch and help or tell him to wake up at noon. He works weird hours and lots of overnights but home a lot more often than most. I guess I just end up feeling like he's so inconsiderate of my feelings and needs from him as my partner. All I can day is you aren't alone in how you feel. Wish I knew the answer.
ReplyDeleteHey thats my life. you stole it. Maybe I don't want it back. LOL. but really I think it is because we are strong women that our men treat us like that. However they better be careful because they might not want to see how strong we really are.
ReplyDeleteWow. Just wow. I feel your pain, and I understand your frustrations/anger/sadness. I don't know what else to say, other than: "you're NOT alone."
ReplyDeleteI bet your rocked that swim suit and were swoon-worthy in your sundress. :)