Today you are mad at me, but you brought this on yourself....You take me for a joke and I'm sick and tired of it. I've said it until you don't even hear me anymore and I warned you months ago this very thing would happen...maybe you thought I was bluffing...you have had plenty of chances and I've been much more than lenient...maybe that was the problem.
I know you are busy...you are good in school and you play an after school sport..I get it...you don't think I do..but I get it.
I do not make rules to be a "beast" I make rules so you will know how to act and succeed in life when you are older...there are rules in school..rules when you get a job..and rules in life...the consequences of breaking those rules are far worse than the ones I have here at home...
You continue to not follow the simple rules I am asking of you...no eating/drinking in the living room...leaving cups and water bottles in your room..not picking up your stuff...and the biggest one, leaving your clothes all over your floor.
You can plead that my room as a kid was a mess...you can tell me it's your room who cares...well guess what??? I CARE.
I bought those clothes and find it disrespectful to see them thrown on the floor... this is not the first time we have talked about this...this has been going on for months...your closet is big enough to easily fit everything you own....you have no excuse beside being lazy and not giving a rats ass what I have asked of you.
For the past month you have begged and pleaded for a few new things (clothing)..again your father and I both have repeatedly told you once you can keep the clothes in the closet and not on the floor, you would earn a trip to the mall.
Even though you did NOT do your part, I decided to cut you a break...I would give you one last chance and this past Sunday I surprised you with a trip to the mall..just you and me.
We started off at Dunkin Donuts for our favorite iced coffees and then stopped for lunch before we shopped. It was a fun day. I haven't had a Sunday off from work in over a month and decided I'd love to spend it with you..
The amount of money you were able to spend in 2 hours...takes me almost two 12 hour shifts to earn..
You got what you wanted, I was no longer the "beast" I was the day before...
It is not my fault you wait for weeks until you do your laundry..you have a set laundry day that YOU CHOOSE to ignore...you would rather wait until you have nothing to wear and then complain that other people are using the washer... that is YOUR CHOICE.
I told you the easiest way to complete the entire laundry task it to fold it right out of the dryer and then put it away..it's actually very simple...you assured me and promised I would not see the hundreds of dollars worth of clothes I'd just bought on your floor.
It's now obvious to me that you do not give a $h@t about what I say...ask...or do for you, because this is what I walked into this morning when I was going to vacuum YOUR room.
You claim you did your laundry last night and didn't have time to fold it and put it away.....Last night while I was at work, away from my family..working until all hours..and tired, I vaguely remember receiving a text saying how tired you were from having to stay up and finish your laundry and an English assignment...then if I remember correctly that same person standing next to my bed this morning asking for an extra hour of sleep because you were up late doing laundry and homework...and what did I do???? I LET YOU SLEEP IN and drove your ass into school late!!!!!
Don't bother looking for your clothes...don't worry, you will get them back..
when you decide how to earn them.
Love, Mom
You are my idol. I dream of doing this to my 16 yr old. Kudos for being strong. She will thank you for this one day, maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, maybe not even in five or ten years, but one day, she WILL thank you. Be strong, Mom, you got this!
ReplyDeleteGood for you! Stick to your guns. She's going to be really pissed at you, hang in there.
ReplyDeleteYou're awesome...my daughter is much younger, but we have had the same fight about toys. Keep them picked up or lose them. I helped her, I bought extra toy boxes for her, every which way I could encourage her to pick them up...she didn't listen & didn't care because in the end, she still had her toys. A few weeks ago, I gave her 30 minutes to pick them up or lose them...she spent the whole time whining and ignoring me. I went in with a trash bag & got rid of everything she had on the floor, clothing, toys, shoes, all of it. Now, her floor stays clean. I ask every night before bed if her room is picked up, and I explain that when I go to tuck her in, whatever I find is gone. Every time I say it...she tells me it is. Only once has something been on the floor and she lost it. I'm not going to be around forever and it's my job to make sure she can take care of herself. And to me that means taking care of your things, because nothing is free. Good job Momma! I hope it works as well for you as is has for me...your daughter is lucky, she can earn her things back...my daughter, not so lucky, all of her things were rehomed.
ReplyDeleteI have debated doing this very thing. This is my daughter's first year in a school without uniforms. I am tempted to dig those out of storage and put all of her cute clothes away until she decides they are worthy of drawers and hangers. A week of navy polos and khakis should do the trick, neh?
ReplyDeleteI think I love you! I have threatened this but not yet followed through. I think I will be implementing it very soon though. Good for you!
ReplyDeleteI so admire you!!! My son is 33. I was not strong enough to do anything like this. He is now a very self centered 33 year old "kid" that hasn't got the respect for his dad or me that a young man should have. You did the right thing and please don't ever think you didn't. Well done!
ReplyDeleteMy parents tell me I am too hard on my kids and it drives me nuts. I want to remind them of how hard they were on myself and sisters, and how lenient they were with my brothers. My sisters and I are all successful, independent adults. My brothers are in their late 20s and have moved back home numerous times. One of them won't have his license back for another 5 years because he didn't take his drinking and driving charges seriously, so he repeated the actions and got caught. If they aren't held accountable as young people, they won't be accountable as adults. You're doing a good thing.
ReplyDeleteParenting; you're doing it right!
ReplyDeleteI did this to my daughter when she was 4 (toys) ..... I am very lenient with how dirty her room is..... much the same as your teen (mine is 16 now) I tell her to clean her room maybe 2 times, then I tell her I'm NOT telling her again. She knows that means bye bye to her stuff.... so yes it seems mean...... but it works. LOL she'll be *issed for a while, then she'll get it.... and eventually she'll understand how hard we work for the things they take for granted!
ReplyDeleteSpeaking as a child development student and preschool teacher, taking away her toys at age 4 was highly inappropriate since the idea of cause-and-effect isn't fully developed yet at that age, not her fault that it takes our brains awhile to grow. She couldn't have followed your rules very well no matter how desperate she was to please, and DEFINITELY couldn't have understood that you worked hard to buy her those toys. That kind of abstract thought is way beyond a four year old. So of course she was angry then, all she saw was her toys being taken away and didn't really comprehend why yet. I still disagree with doing this with older children/teenagers for similar reasons (these acts are not malicious, but developmentally appropriate and just happen to be frustrating to adults who can't understand anymore). Teaching children based entirely off a punishment system will get results eventually, but is less effective than other methods and has the unfortunate side effect of adding fear and resentment into the parent-child relationship.
DeleteIn answer to your reply.... when I took her toys away when she was 4, it was because she refused to clean up after herself and not anything to do with the amount they cost. I'm pretty sure you misread or I didn't clarify for one oh so "Learned" person. A lot of experts have a LOT of studies and facts, every child is different and everyone is entitled to read those studies and take those classes.... I took many Child Development Classes when I was in College. You are allowed to have your opinion of me as a Mother, even though you know NOTHING of me or my daughter. The toy thing had NOTHING to do with what I paid for those things, and she eventually got them back once she learned that cleaning up after herself and throwing temper tantrums to get out of straightening her messes didn't get her what she wanted, as it had for a long time. I didn't have "rules" at that age other than simple things that she could and DID learn. I didn't spank her or scream at her. She and I are extremely close, w/o any "fear and resentment" other than when I make her do her chores on the weekends, LOL She is 16 now and one of the calmest and most laid back teen I've ever been around. She is an Honor Student and is STILL a messy kid..... but when I ask her to do her chores, she USUALLY does them in a timely manner. She isn't scarred or broken because I took responsibility in the raising of my child and MADE her learn to clean up after herself.
DeleteYou cannot read what other people put in a "study" and expect your children to respond to those methods. Life and children are erratic and crazy. What works for one persons life may not work for another. Try not to be so opinionated about a family you know zero about. You don't know any of the history, of my family, or Scarred for LIfe's family. And I SINCERELY hope you never get judged for doing the very best parenting you can do at that moment when you've hit your limit of patience.
Yeeha! Go Mom! And amanda_november, it is just that kind of thinking that has put a whole lot of our young people where there are today--living with a sense of entitlement--thinking that they deserve what ever they want just because they exist. Life has rules. There are winners and losers. People who work hard succeed--people who don't fail. Basic truths that I would rather my kids learn at home when they are young instead of in the real world when there is no one around to help soften the blow.
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